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24 April 2010

Long Overdue Update

I'd love to sit and update about, well just about everything, but it would be of epic length and proportions. No one would willingly sift through that much text, though truthfully no one really reads this blog anyway. It's more of a think on screen exercise to unclutter my brain since I don't have a fancy Penseive like Dumbledore did. Rats.

I last posted in October, shortly after starting my first teaching position. Luckily I landed in a 5th grade classroom. Unluckily, I had one day to set up my room, no teacher manuals for about a week, and landed in a different district with all new curriculum. Wow, welcome to teaching!! Six months later I've learned a ton, hopefully grown as much, adore my students, and know that I really do LOVE teaching. I've also received my non-renewal notice thanks to all the budget cuts. At least it's a non-renewal for a reduction in force, and I'll be walking away with a few really good recommendations. I entered this profession believing I'd be unwilling to teach in a district other than the one my children attend, and know better now. I love the district I teach for, and sometimes wish I could transfer my children there.

My kids are growing like weeds, mentally and physically. I regret the lost time with them this year and last, and crave the summer months that, even with a full time grad course schedule, promises more time with them than these last 9 months had to offer. The silent ticking of the countdown in my head grows audibly louder each day. My youngest angel now 10, and only 8 years and counting left to go with a house full of children and their noise. We think we detest the sibling rivalry, bickering, pre-hormonal drama, but the truth is that the alternative absence of noise and uncomfortable silence looms far too close. I intend to enjoy these next 8 or 9 years, hormones and drama aside.

As I approach my 42nd, the feeling of impending birthday is oddly lacking. I'm actually looking forward to this one, and feel a profound sense of gratitude for all I have in my life. Sure, I'm still a complete social misfit and feel awkwardly uncomfortable in a crowd, but I'm able to once again open up and talk to just about anyone these days - to the kids' utter horror. Even though I haven't forged many true new friendships (there are a couple, I trust you know who you are and that you're loved,) I feel like I'm on my way and getting to know people while simultaneously let them into my oddly constructed world. There's just something internal, silent, but prevailing and constant in presence that beats out the quiet drumming in my heart: I'm on the right path; finally, on the right path. Frankly, nothing is better than that!